Automation

I don't write these blogs any more: I wrote a PHP class module the other day that produces nonsense of its own. There are methods and properties to my madness, didn't you know? Yes, there are, and they're what's stringing this blog together while I stand on the platform at Norwood Junction, watching a male pigeon chasing after a female pigeon. I'm not talking metaphorically here, either: he's chasing her round and round in circles, while another female ambles around aimlessly in the middle of the imaginary circle they're drawing.

Oh well, the female just flew away, and her friend went with her. Poor male. It's Friday night, so I'm off to have fun in town now... I'll leave the computer to continue.

Anyway, this blog is being constructed by a simple computer program that will write nonsense with less emotional noise to distort the flows, as I opted not to add a class for the emotions, nor to plug it into a database full of painful, embarrassing and self esteem-destroying memories which it might draw upon in the creation process. It just knows words and how to put them together. I just need to work on breaking the grammar rules that I've set up, and teach it how to convey pace and confusion instead of the terribly rigid and functional language that they teach you as a child. Grammar rules are a guideline, not iron laws, you bloody idiot.

This blog was created by collating text messages sent to it over the course of the day, and by stealing the odd word or two from online sources. The code was reading stories about queues outside stores that were full of computers that didn't work properly and phones that couldn't be activated, and commentators who were keen to point and laugh as they completely ignored the irrelevance of their entire existence. Excitement is the only reason we live. That's why pigeons run around on station platforms.

And what if the excitement is so great that after seeing the most beautiful female of the day you promptly fall asleep, and wake in a state of confusion at the same old place? If that's the case, then there's only one thing for it: lemon swiss roll and lemon curd. The label will be changed for a joke, but the contents will be eaten in all seriousness. Squeeze my lemon, bitch: rid me of this bitterness.